Hyper Hypomaniac

My dear bipolars,

I recently moved from working at home to a job in the wide, wide world. In the week leading up to my first day, I experienced tremendous anxiety. Once I showed up for the job, a manager delivered a speech outlining all the ways we could be fired. After training, I proceeded to make numerous mistakes. My supervisor kept calling me over to point them out. I knew I was going to get canned, and I spent time imagining the humiliation.

That night I started the water for my bath. I could hear a radio show playing next to my ear. Women were talking. I knew there was no radio and that I was experiencing an auditory shadow. Upsetting to me was the knowledge shadows appear only when there's extreme stress. It's the brain's way of giving a shout out to the bipolar: "Calm down, why don't you?" I wanted to quit. Nothing was worth this kind of psychic pain.

The second day I settled in. Surrounded by other adults, I fed off the attention I got making jokes. Anxiety retreated. Hypomania--the belle of many a ball--blossomed. My focus on my work is slippery as I daydream of ways to entertain my coworkers. I've yet to master one consistent mental state, but perhaps that's human.